Pictures:

Why did the CEO have all the corporate planes painted red?

He didn't want them to be too plane.

527

Why didn't Martha like having pet ducks?

She found they weren't what they were quacked up to be.

2167

What do you call Israelis that have vineyards?

Grape Jews.

225

What do you call someone who is an expert about alarm clocks?

An alarmist.

1588

Why is a Phillips-head screwdriver so popular?

People see it as a plus.

1403

Why is voting "Nay" more direct than voting Aye"?

It's straight from the horse's mouth.

1817

Why do deer hunters prefer larger guns?

It's a bigger bang for their buck.

1273

If the rule is "I before E except after C", why is the word Weird different?

Because the word is Weird.

862

Why are all fish stores in Finland kosher?

Because they have Finns and scales.

820

How do you get rid of weeds?

You have to get to the root of the problem.

1973

What do you call a doctor who prescribes a daiquiri cocktail flavored with hickory?

A hickory daiquiri doc.

416

How did Marty respond when his wife accused him of drinking a fifth of whisky?

He pleaded the fifth.

1831