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What did county workers accomplish with this sign?

A bee-line.

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Why did Trump remove the restrictions on plastic straws?

Because in terms of government intervention, it was the last straw.

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Why is a mind like a parachute?

It only works when it is open.

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What are tests in cosmetic school called?

Make-up exams.

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How is a donkey being pulled similar to Mickey Mantle?

They are both yank-ees.

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What did they say about the king who was only 12 inches tall?

He was an excellent ruler.

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Why did Ben drink Maxwell House coffee before he went parachute jumping?

He wanted to be good to the last drop.

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What did Max do when the plumbing company made a mess of trying to fix the bathroom blockage?

He decided to sue her.

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What kind of headlines do people not like to see?

The ones in their forehead, because it indicates worry and tension.

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What is a Tyrannosaurus Rex that is nervous?

A nervous Rex.

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What happened to the kitchen pot when it's owner found it's lid?

It's now fully recovered.

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What is a tavern called that only serves chocolate liqueur?

A chocolate bar.

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