Pictures:

What did the man say after a meteor destroyed his house?

This really hit home.

2175

What are the odds that this man will slim down?

A fat chance.

380

How did President Johnson always know the right thing to say?

A little Birdie told him.

1136

What did Al think about his friend owning his own plumbing supply business?

It was just a pipe dream.

1301

What did the Mayor say about the turnstile jumping on the subway?

That's not fare!

1476

Why was the girl so upset to have to repeat her class?

She felt degraded.

596

What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?

Prime mates

3222

Why is this the most expensive dish in the restaurant?

It's 24 carrot plated.

1044

How are making puns similar to oil drilling?

They both can be crude or refined.

2136

Why do courthouses attract the most audiophiles?

Because of the "hearings".

1096

Why should one take colitis seriously?

It could lead to a semi-colon.

1071

What type of person uses oxygen bleach to brush his teeth?

An oxymoron

2379