Pictures:

Why can't everyone text at the same speed?

Not everyone is the same type.

1092

Why do people love Tom so much?

It's his rye sense of humor.

1474

How did the squirrel corner the market on acorns?

He opened many branches.

182

What do people on the Keto Diet use to measure their food intake?

A carburetor

1318

What do you call a pig who lost his voice?

Disgruntled

1229

How did the rock group debase themselves?

By firing their bass player.

2017

How long must one walk a dog that lives indoors?

Until they're pooped.

2548

Where was cheese discovered?

Curd-istan

180

Why are Persians good forecastors of future events?

Because they can far see (Farsi).

2237

What type of person uses oxygen bleach to brush his teeth?

An oxymoron

2379

What type of shop specializes in watch components that are accurate up to the minute?

A second-hand store.

707

Why was no one able to buy more summer hats after a man just did?

That was the last straw.

191