Pictures:

How much does a teenager weigh?

An Instagram.

796

What do we know about this man?

He's getting too big for his britches.

1307

What happens to old auto mechanics?

They just re-tire.

197

What did Paul McCartney say when a hornet flew into his house and scared people?

Let it bee

1465

What did Larry name his new ink and toner business?

Ink, Inc.

415

Is the quantum physics theory about electrons disappearing and reappearing elsewhere really true?

That's neither here nor there.

878

Have you heard of the band called Cellophane?

They're a wrap group.

797

A 5 o'clock shadow.

1280

How to summarize a person's life after being convicted of a crime?

Con descending.

1125

Why do jockeys have a reputation for being lazy?

They horse around all day.

619

Why was the homeowner scared of the zombies at his front door?

They were dead ringers of friends of his.

1277

Why did Alan quit his job as a probate attorney?

He didn't like putting on heirs.

816