Pictures:

Who was more intelligent as a child - Alec Baldwin or Alec Guinness?

They were both Smart Alecs.

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How did diners at the Chinese restaurant react to the LED lighting?

They asked if they could Dim Sum.

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What did the man say when he no longer needed to wear glasses?

Bye, focals!

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What's an inefficient way to kill ants around your shrubs?

Beat around the bush.

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What's happening here?

A cargo ship is trying to contain itself.

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What are abortions called in Czechoslovakia?

Cancelled Czechs

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Where do mathematicians go on vacation?

Times Square

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What's the name of the lady who owns the Japanese restaurant?

Sue, she.

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What do you get when your optician is a comedian?

A man who makes a spectacle of himself.

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This is our new dog, Crusty.

All he does is loaf around all day.

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Why do deer hunters prefer larger guns?

It's a bigger bang for their buck.

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How do weight loss clinics refer to conversations regarding restricted foods?

Ate speech

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