Pictures:

What do people on the Keto Diet use to measure their food intake?

A carburetor

1318

How did the honor student ace his Political Science exam?

By being politically correct.

221

What do those who negotiate atomic non-proliferation treaties study?

Nuclear Medicine

2003

Why did Mike lose his job as a masseur?

He rubbed people the wrong way.

574

When would someone use fine sandpaper?

When they are off coarse.

1452

Why did the Chinese military leader suffer from malnutrition?

Everyone kept eating General Tso's chicken.

335

What's the best way to get people to listen to you?

It's a heeded discussion.

1496

What was the reply of the lady on the subway when a panhandler asked for a donation?

Sorry, but I'm strapped at the moment.

640

Why did the baker receive a list of duties from his boss one at a time?

They were given on a knead to know basis.

1497

Where do uncles find their wives?

An aunt farm

1462

Why do the Polish not force their cuisine on others?

They figure it's their pierogi-tive.

333

Which dog breed is the most inherently spoiled?

Rot weilers

1518