Pictures:

What type of shop specializes in watch components that are accurate up to the minute?

A second-hand store.

707

Why did the flock of unshorn sheep keep bumping into each other?

They had the wool over their eyes

222

Why do the Polish not force their cuisine on others?

They figure it's their pierogi-tive.

333

Why did Alan quit his job as a probate attorney?

He didn't like putting on heirs.

816

How did President Johnson always know the right thing to say?

A little Birdie told him.

1136

Why does John like recruiting people to work in skyscrapers?

He loved telling people they were highered.

1484

How did Phil become such an expert at bumper cars?

He took a crash course.

868

Why was the homeowner scared of the zombies at his front door?

They were dead ringers of friends of his.

1277

Why did Joe work in a pizza shop?

He kneaded the dough.

8

How are making puns similar to oil drilling?

They both can be crude or refined.

2136

Is the entire world starting to think exactly the same?

Just the indoctri-nations.

1114

What did the man say whose property was destroyed by a meteor?

It really left an impact.

592