Pictures:

What type of gopher is the most difficult to keep out of a celery patch?

A stalker

1444

What does it take to be a great telemarketer?

Focus. You must be dialed-in.

1571

Is the quantum physics theory about electrons disappearing and reappearing elsewhere really true?

That's neither here nor there.

878

What happened to this couple just before the wedding?

They disengaged.

1086

What are the options in making it to shore?

Row oar swim.

1500

What course does a punster take to go from making bad to good puns?

End o'cringe-ology

2004

Why did the baker receive a list of duties from his boss one at a time?

They were given on a knead to know basis.

1497

What do you call a one-legged hippo?

A hoppo

2602

What is the status of one's yard after cleaning up after the dog?

It's dooty-free.

1009

What did the English actor say when asked if this image could be in England?

Yes, that's my queue.

1473

Which two animals have the lowest integrity?

The lyin and the cheetah.

258

How did the the drunkard summarize his drinking binge?

With a short schnapsis

181