Pictures:

What's this man's problem?

He has an axe to grind.

1270

How to people from this country justify where they were born?

They must Peruv it.

1209

Why is rationalizing worse than we think?

It uses rational lies.

240

How was the octopus able beat the shark in a fight?

It was well armed.

795

Why is it that lions get more food than tigers, leopards, and jaguars?

They always get the lion's share

271

How did President Johnson always know the right thing to say?

A little Birdie told him.

1136

What is this optician doing?

He's seeing eye to eye with his patient.

1793

How do weight loss clinics refer to conversations regarding restricted foods?

Ate speech

1463

Which country makes the best pan-seared steaks?

Sear-ya.

1100

Why is an Achilles tendon injury so severe?

They take forever to heel.

1176

What is ironic about The Flat Earth Society?

Their members are all around the globe.

1034

Why were the homeowner's dogs silent when a burglar came and went?

They were hush puppies.

1289