Pictures:

How did the squirrel corner the market on acorns?

He opened many branches.

182

When would someone use fine sandpaper?

When they are off coarse.

1452

Is this cat anything special?

Yes - it's The Cat in the Hat.

2062

How did the wife tell her husband she was expecting triplets?

She began with a pregnant pause.

591

What is the vegetable of choice for most percussionists?

Beets, of course.

1045

Which career works the fewest hours per week?

A Monday morning quarterback.

1265

Why do jockeys have a reputation for being lazy?

They horse around all day.

619

Why was Bruce Lee's son always on time?

His first name was "Prompt".

1258

Who is Darth Vader's wife?

Her name is Ellie Vader - she really uplifts him.

1350

Why was no one able to buy more summer hats after a man just did?

That was the last straw.

191

What's the best way to get people to listen to you?

Create a heeded discussion.

1496

What is this man doing?

He's "piering" down

1504