Pictures:

Why do many people choose low-fat milk?

Whole milk wheys them down.

1074

Why was the son of a drapery store owner upset when flunking out of college?

He knew it was curtains for him.

376

How did the the drunkard summarize his drinking binge?

With a short schnapsis

181

How to refer to someone who suddenly became a grandmother?

An Instagram

2489

How do some people deal with eating leftovers on Black Friday?

They go cold turkey.

212

Which U.S. Army battalion drives up to and then crawls under barbed-wire fences?

Jeepers Creepers

213

This animal is a practical joker.

He just got his friend's goat.

1282

What are mens' favorite legume?

Chick peas

683

What's a good name for an herbal brew business?

Special Teas

343

Why can't everyone text at the same speed?

Not everyone is the same type.

1092

What did his kids say when their father told them they were eating lamb?

Ewe!

753

Why did Mike lose his job as a masseur?

He rubbed people the wrong way.

574