Pictures:

What is a good 2-part security method?

Beagles and locks.

2549

Where in Manhattan are you most likely to find a spot for your car?

Central Park

1089

How is he trying to lose weight by wearing bread on his head?

It's a new loaf hat diet.

1351

Why did Joe work in a pizza shop?

He kneaded the dough.

8

If a friend's cousin donates a kidney to his friend's cousin, what does it make the two friends?

Second cousins, once removed.

1810

How did diners at the Chinese restaurant react to the LED lighting?

They asked if they could Dim Sum.

334

Which company broadcasts highlights of basketball, hockey, tennis, and soccer?

Net-flix

230

How did the "Closed" sign read at the smoke shop?

Close...but no cigar!

1792

Where do livestock veterinarians have their prescriptions filled?

At the local farmacy

1185

Which country makes the best pan-seared steaks?

Syria

1100

Why did Bob think this would be a balanced diet?

It was 3 square meals a day.

1303

What do you get when your optician is a comedian?

A man who makes a spectacle of himself.

1060