Pictures:

What device do psychologists use to measure positive emotions?

An Oh!dometer

840

Which nut makes people sneeze?

The ca...ca...SHEW!

790

What is ironic about The Flat Earth Society?

Their members are all around the globe.

1034

How did the "Closed" sign read at the smoke shop?

Close...but no cigar!

1792

What happens if someone accidently drank hair coloring?

They could dye.

1475

Why did Bob think this would be a balanced diet?

It was 3 square meals a day.

1303

What is another name for a car's complete history?

An autobiography.

173

Why are jellyfish so mean?

Because they're spineless.

1061

How did the Mexican "Uno Dos" bandits get their name?

They'd leave without a "tres".

1184

What happened to the man driving with a broken tail pipe?

He became exhausted.

828

Why are there so many types of Asian cuisine?

For different woks of life.

1287

What is the official nut of schools and educators?

mACADEMIA nuts

789