Pictures:

Why did Bill order these to wear himself?

He's trying to lose weight through resistance-training.

1514

What's the secret to a healthy heart?

Take medical advice with a grain of salt.

3255

Why did the newborn require immediate surgery?

He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

1274

What device do psychologists use to measure positive emotions?

An Oh!dometer

840

How did the honor student fail his Logic course?

He was being unreasonable.

291

What happens if someone accidently drank hair coloring?

They could dye.

1475

Why did the man give up Reader's Digest?

He had a digestive disorder.

1068

What's this man's problem?

He has an axe to grind.

1270

What type of person uses oxygen bleach to brush his teeth?

An oxymoron

2379

What do you call a pig who lost his voice?

Disgruntled

1229

What's good about having a one-track mind?

You don't easily go off the rails.

1175

How do you know if a commercial zip line is safe?

It complies with the Zip Code.

812