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Who was more intelligent as a child - Alec Baldwin or Alec Guinness?

They were both Smart Alecs.

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What did Al think about his friend owning his own plumbing supply business?

It was just a pipe dream.

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What do you call an Arabic Elvis impersonator?

Amal Shookup

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What is this man doing?

He's "piering" down

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Why did the graffiti artist stop before he was arrested for vandalism?

He read the writing on the wall.

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Why did the soldier not want to share his rank with other people?

It was private.

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What's the secret to a healthy heart?

Take medical advice with a grain of salt.

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What did the losing coach say about his opponent after losing by 52 points?

I found them very offensive.

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Which city do the inhabitants rarely need an alarm clock?

Waco, Texas

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Why wasn't the student's cousin able to pick her up from school?

It wasn't a pparent.

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Which type of make-up remover is used by all genders?

Withdrawing an apology

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What do you call someone with no capacity at all for gardening?

A blooming idiot.

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