Pictures:

What type of person uses oxygen bleach to brush his teeth?

An oxymoron

2379

How did guests know chili would be served at the party?

Somebody spilled the beans.

1822

Is basting a real stitch?

Mmm...sew-sew.

2326

What is always the main topic at the annual Surfing Conference?

Current events.

1788

What's happening here?

A cargo ship is trying to contain itself.

1503

Why do electricians monitor the news so closely?

To keep current.

239

What did the procrastinator tell those who said he'd never get anywhere?

"You just wait!"

2220

How did the asphalt worker react to his foot being run over by a steam roller?

He was quite impressed.

582

What did the mother do whose son chewed on an electrical cord?

She grounded him until he conducted himself properly.

433

Why was a homeless man invited to join the London Symphony Orchestra??

They needed someone to play an 'oboe'.

823

Why was the son of a drapery store owner upset when flunking out of college?

He knew it was curtains for him.

376

Which paintings are not on display in museums?

Those with no strings attached.

194