Pictures:

Why is being grateful the best investment?

It always appreciates.

2159

What device do psychologists use to measure positive emotions?

An Oh!dometer

840

How was the rabbit rewarded for keeping mice out of the garden?

With an increase in celery.

1443

My friend says people think that he is egotistical.

I told him not to have his "I" out for them.

1492

What did the baseball park do when their antique organ stopped working?

They found an organ donor.

825

Why did Joe work in a pizza shop?

He kneaded the dough.

8

What do you get when your optician is a comedian?

A man who makes a spectacle of himself.

1060

Why did the woman remove unsightly blood vessels in her legs?

She was vein.

1069

What do you call someone who believes only 12.5% in a Universal Being?

An eighth-iest

232

Which industry helps news broadcast companies remain profitable?

Radiology

757

What was obvious to everyone, but no one dared mention?

The elephant in the room.

269

Why should one take colitis seriously?

It could lead to a semi-colon.

1071