Pictures:

Why was the nurse pleased to immunize this boy?

Because she was giving him her best shot.

1800

How to summarize a person's life after being convicted of a crime?

Con descending.

1125

What did the English actor say when asked if this image could be in England?

Yes, that's my queue.

1473

Which part of the world do people contract mild forms of amnesia?

Micronesia

1104

Why did Tom get fired from the kitchen hardware business?

He just couldn't handle it.

379

Who invented tiny nails?

A guy named Brad.

1003

My friend says people think that he is egotistical.

I told him not to have his "I" out for them.

1492

What is the man on the right doing?

Scraping the bottom of the barrel from the top.

1302

How would you refer to your dog-sitting neighbor that lost your pet?

Your dog gone neighbor.

1557

Which career works the fewest hours per week?

A Monday morning quarterback.

1265

Why did Bob think this would be a balanced diet?

It was 3 square meals a day.

1303

What did the cop say to the driver who offered a bribe?

Fine.

1479