Pictures:

What did the Mayor say about the turnstile jumping on the subway?

That's not fare!

1476

How is your mother's annoying baby sister similar to a city in Western Europe?

They're both aunt twerps.

1397

What is not a nice way to describe how one's vacuum cleaner works?

It sucks!

368

What is the most important thing to have when sanding wood?

True grit.

1453

What did the cemetery director say when a man bought one grave, and then another for his wife?

"Hmm...the plot thickens!"

255

What do you call a sick lawyer?

ill legal.

1432

What do you call someone with no capacity at all for gardening?

A blooming idiot.

1147

What is the proper way to greet a hand truck?

Hello dolly!

196

What type of party involves guests dancing around an array of coffee tables?

A shin dig

1540

How did the the drunkard summarize his drinking binge?

With a short schnapsis

181

What do you call having a talent for making fun of others?

Special Tease

349

Why was Timmy destined to become a tennis pro?

He raised a racket since he was young.

377