Pictures:

Which type of make-up remover is used by all genders?

Withdrawing an apology

1811

What happened on April 16th and 17th 1986?

This man got his dates mixed up.

1085

How did guests know chili would be the main course?

Somebody spilled the beans.

1822

Which Russian leader used delay tactics as a military strategy?

Stallin'

852

Why was the vegetarian disappointed at the dinner party?

He thought sweetbreads came from a bakery.

754

What's the best way to get people to listen to you?

Create a heeded discussion.

1496

Why was the homeowner scared of the zombies at his front door?

They were dead ringers of friends of his.

1277

What do you call someone who believes only 12.5% in a Universal Being?

An eighth-iest

232

Why do people love Tom so much?

It's his rye sense of humor.

1474

Which word is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary?

Incorrectly

2223

Why wasn't the student's cousin able to pick her up from school?

It wasn't a pparent.

2327

This animal is a practical joker.

He just got his friend's goat.

1282