Pictures:

Why was the optician embarrassed the morning after the party?

He'd made a spectacle of himself.

352

What do you call someone with no capacity at all for gardening?

A blooming idiot.

1147

How was a comedian asked to perform at the Orthopedist's Convention?

Please...humerus.

1077

What is a contradictory fact about this specific school?

It's off a 4 lane highway.

491

Which device measures carbohydrates?

A carburetor

841

Where in Manhattan are you most likely to find a spot for your car?

Central Park

1089

What happens if certain fowl don't build insulated nests for winter?

They go cold turkey.

1276

My friend stopped working at the chemical factory.

It was a toxic work environment.

1402

Why did astrophysicist Steven Hawking fail his history class?

It wasn't rocket science.

1262

Why do people love Tom so much?

It's his rye sense of humor.

1474

What demonstrated Rover's loyalty most?

He'd jump through hoops.

1820

Why was this man being treated intervenously?

He had severe poison i.v.

884