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Why was this man being treated intervenously?

He had severe poison i.v.

884

How are making puns similar to oil drilling?

They both can be crude or refined.

2136

Which college shows the most compassion to fire victims?

Aw, burn University

484

What is the proper way to greet the Dalai Lama?

Hello Dalai!

282

Why did the telemarketer use his clavicle to rest his headset?

Because that's his caller bone.

1063

Why do people dislike washing windows?

They're a pane.

371

Why did the quarterback run instead of throwing to his wide receiver?

He was cut off at the pass.

492

What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?

Prime mates

3222

What did the mother do whose son chewed on an electrical cord?

She grounded him until he conducted himself properly.

433

Two women named Annette auditioned as flamenco dancers, but the director couldn't decide which to choose. What did he do?

He cast Annettes

818

What is the official nut of schools and educators?

mACADEMIA nuts

789

Why was the whole school on pins and needles waiting for their test results?

It was an acupuncture school.

242