Pictures:

Are these seagulls?

No, they're stool pigeons.

1304

How are marriage and divorce similar?

In both cases, you tie a knot (not)

1498

Why did the quarterback run instead of throwing to his wide receiver?

He was cut off at the pass.

492

Why was this year's Chili Cook-off cancelled?

Somebody spilled the beans.

1266

What was the policeman's response when Bill said he was speeding to get to his yoga class?

He thought it was a stretch.

183

What did Rob's wife do when he realized he'd bought a guitar missing some components?

She told him not to fret.

814

How did we know the Russian musician would be a good match for the ballet dancer?

Because he played the ballet lika.

815

Did Steve really buy this antique violin for only $5?

Yes, and with no strings attached!

813

How did the rock group debase themselves?

By firing their bass player.

2017

What do you call someone with no capacity at all for gardening?

A blooming idiot.

1147

What type of gopher is the most difficult to keep out of a celery patch?

A stalker

1444

How did the man get his young dog to stop barking?

He wore Hush Puppies

220