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How did Jack learn to give himself a haircut?

He knew it off the top of his head.

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What does praying and Swiss cheese have in common?

They are both holy.

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What do you call a Polish person who is fishing?

A fishing Pole.

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How did Bob become a carpenter?

He was an apprentice to a carpenter, and that nailed it.

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What did the Arial, Helvetica, and Courier fonts say to each other?

You're not my type.

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Why do violinists put rosin on their violin bows?

It makes the violins rosin-ate.

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What is confusing about alarms that get activated?

Do alarms go off, or do they go on?

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What is it called when a fusion nuclear reaction starts acting unpredictably?

Con-fusion.

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What is the different between a tree and an elephant?

A tree's trunk is its largest part.

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What involves getting into the nitty-gritty of what is right and wrong?

Inte-gritty.

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What psychiatric tool is similar the noses of hippies?

Hip noses.

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What did Mr. electric eel says to Mrs. electric eel?

You look absolutely stunning!

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