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Akiva Lane
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Why did the shepherd find the sheep so heavy?

Wherever he would lead them, they were lead.

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Akiva Lane
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Why couldn't Melissa figure out Eddie Edwards?

To her, he was Mister E.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a bee called right after it is born?

A newbie.

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Akiva Lane
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After Joe's dog Spot ran away, why was his house cleaner?

Because it was Spot-less.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the publisher make wide margins when printing the Book of the Prophets?

He wanted wide Prophet margins.

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Akiva Lane
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What do shoes and noses have in common?

They both smell.

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Akiva Lane
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What did the new furniture store say when they sold their first sofa?

Sofa so good.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was the hungry secretary like a clock?

At meetings she took minutes, and at meals she took seconds.

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Why did Joe find it hard to get a date?

Because his attitudes were dated.

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Akiva Lane
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How is the metric system similar to a guy going on a date?

They both involve a 'meet her'.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call Israelis that have vineyards?

Grape Jews.

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Why did Sam put his shoes close to the fireplace?

When people say 'hot shoes', he says 'G-d bless you'.

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