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How is a person and a car different?

A person who is tired moves slowly, and when retired more slowly. When a car is tired, it moves fast, and when retired even faster.

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What animal does Niagara Falls remind us of?

Buffalo, because that's where Niagara Falls is.

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Bill saved his pennies all year to buy a present for his wife, and brought them to a store, and do you know what he got?

A hernia.

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What is a gym called filled with people who want to lose weight?

A waist land.

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What was Jim's reaction when the other poker player wanted to deal the cards?

Well, it's not ideal.

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How did the vegetarian feel about hotdogs?

They are the wurst!

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What phone app helps you go to sleep for short periods of time?

The Nap App.

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What is the heaviest Chinese soup?

One Ton soup.

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Why did the general not want to look down at his boots?

He wanted to avoid de feet.

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During an uprising, what are random groups of armed men called?

Malicious militias.

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What is an expert thief who is second in command called?

An accomplished accomplice.

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What is common with the words Human and Humor?

They both begin with a focus on the word 'You'.

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