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To measure the size of a bagel, how much of the bagel do you include?

You include the whole.

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How are kangaroos and rabbits different than other animals?

They are the most hoppy.

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Why was Jeremy concerned when he couldn't take off his pickle costume?

Because if he couldn't get it off, he was really in a pickle.

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What is the annual football game for plumbers?

The Toilet Bowl.

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What is it called when husbands tell puns to their wives?

Pun-ishment.

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During negotiations, why did one side suggest that they continue at the local diner?

They wanted to make a counter offer.

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Why is it difficult to be brave in the North Pole?

There's a tendency to get cold feet.

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What permission is needed to kill lice?

A lice sense.

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Where does superman shop for food?

The supermarket.

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Why did Alan think carefully about everything decision he made?

Because to do anything else would be unthinkable.

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How holy did Bill feel that Heaven is?

He felt it was wholly holy.

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Though Joe was a great pitcher, why did he insist on playing other positions on the baseball team?

He didn't want to be pitch-in holed.

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