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Akiva Lane
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Why did Joe go to the paint store to lose weight?

He went to get thinner.

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Akiva Lane
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How can we know when someone is ready for dating?

When their dating resume is UP TO DATE!

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Akiva Lane
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What part of the meat did Bill try not to bring to his wife from the freezer?

He didn't think it was a good idea to give his wife the cold shoulder.

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Akiva Lane
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Why do you really have to hand it to short people?

Because otherwise, they can't reach it themselves.

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Akiva Lane
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How did the family feel after a great day at the amusement park?

They didn't want anything to dispel the spell.

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Akiva Lane
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What is it called when a city is overrun by cats?

A cat-astrophe.

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Akiva Lane
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What day is just before a birthday?

Labor day.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Beverly change from being an accountant to a singing teacher?

She found she was very good with in-voices.

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Akiva Lane
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How is a person and a car different?

A person who is tired moves slowly, and when retired more slowly. When a car is tired, it moves fast, and when retired even faster.

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Akiva Lane
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What do forests and clocks have in common?

Ticks.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't Arnie like downhill skiing?

He wasn't inclined to enjoy that kind of activity.

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Akiva Lane
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What's in back of the back of a person?

The front of the person.

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