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How do you wake up bread?

You make it rise.

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What are good names for a company that makes kitchen counters?

Counter Intuitive, or Counter Culture.

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Why didn't Martha like having pet ducks?

She found they weren't what they were quacked up to be.

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What do you call and aunt that doesn't like people?

Aunt Tipathy

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What happened to the people of the Nile at the Red Sea?

They were a-Nile-ated.

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What does life have in common with arithmetic?

It has its pluses and minuses.

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How do Mr. & Mrs. Deer say hello to each other?

Hello Dear.

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Why are people who used to be perts very smart?

Because they are ex-perts.

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What can you take when you're tired?

You can take a nap or you can take a break.

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What did the vegetarian say to the salami?

You are THE wurst.

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How did Martha feel when she cut her vegetables into very small pieces?

Grate.

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How is a clean shirt similar to a completely full parking lot?

They are both spotless.

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