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Akiva Lane
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Why did Phil stop turning around?

Because every time he turned around, another year went by.

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Akiva Lane
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What vegetable should diplomats learn all about?

Peas.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Alan like his job in the factory that squeezes grapes?

He found it depressing.

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Akiva Lane
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How do you compare baseball, bowling, and unions?

Baseball: 3 strikes=out, Bowling: 12 strikes= perfect game, Union: strikes are unlimited.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Max fire his accountant?

Because Max told him he wanted the business to be liquid, and the accountant thought he said 'liquidated'.

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Akiva Lane
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What's the difference between looking for a parking space and washing clothes?

With one you want spots to appear, and with the other you wants spots to disappear.

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Akiva Lane
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How do you describe when someone eats too much too fast?

Haste makes waist.

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Akiva Lane
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After the hour and minute hand of a clock, what is the 3rd hand called?

The second hand.

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Akiva Lane
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When Sara asked her friends to contribute to make the chocolate chip cookies, did they?

Yes, they chipped in.

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Akiva Lane
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What award did the farmer receive?

He was the best in his field.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the head of the school demand respect?

It was the principle of the thing.

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Akiva Lane
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What did the disorganized actor knew that he had to do?

He had to get his act together.

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