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What are reporters who never retire called?

Permanent press.

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What is it called when something is discussed on X?

It is X-communicated.

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What part of the meat did Bill try not to bring to his wife from the freezer?

He didn't think it was a good idea to give his wife the cold shoulder.

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What happened to the lawyer who spent too much time drinking at the bar?

He was dis-barred.

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What is an expert thief who is second in command called?

An accomplished accomplice.

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What do you usually don't mind losing?

Weight.

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What was the result of Joe not having enough self-control with eating?

He found that it was a big waist.

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Where can you go when you're tired?

You can go to bed and go to sleep.

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What did the thread say to the needle?

I'm just passing through.

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How did Alice feel when the point of her pencil often broke?

She thought, 'What's the point of using pencils? I'll use pens instead.'

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What's the difference between looking for a parking space and washing clothes?

With one you want spots to appear, and with the other you wants spots to disappear.

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Why is this very useful?

Because people say they'll do things when they get a round tuit.

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