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What is someone called who lies about how much he eats?

Dish-onest.

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What kind of injury does one have be careful about on Halloween?

Getting a boo boo.

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How did the veterinarian know that the horse had a cold?

He heard it straight from the horses mouth.

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What kind of room is a fungus?

A mushroom.

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What vegetable makes the most polite request?

Let us.

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What symbol is written before it is pronounced?

The dollar sign.

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What do you call a cat that steals things?

A feline felon.

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What's a good name for a parking garage that treats its customers like royalty?

Par King.

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What do teachers and eyes have in common?

They both have pupils.

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What permission did the poet need to write poetry?

Poetic license.

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How is party different than a toy?

When a party winds up it ends, and when a toy winds up it starts.

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Why did Alan make sure his deck wasn't empty when he played with his kids?

He wanted to make sure he was playing with a full deck.

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