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Akiva Lane
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If a person is comfortable in social situations, what does he have?

Social security.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Sam get up from bed in the morning?

He decided he wasn't going to take it lying down anymore.

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Akiva Lane
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Why is eating a liter of food like adding a T to it?

It becomes litter.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the difference between being united and being untied.

Getting 'it' backwards.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the difference between doing many things at once and being hit by a lot of taxes?

One is multi-tasking, and the other is multi-taxing.

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Akiva Lane
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If you can get 100 somethings for a penny today, how sure can you be that this will be the price tomorrow?

One hundred per cent.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Terrie Gross's boyfriend find her mysterious?

Because her name was Miss Terrie.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Arnold feel about his budget?

He wants to budge it.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Jim feel like a flamingo?

Because he couldn't put his foot down.

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Akiva Lane
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When Shakespeare had writer's block, what was his motto?

Where there's a Will, there's a way.

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Akiva Lane
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What is it called when cars protest public lies by honking their horns?

Taking the bull by the horns.

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Akiva Lane
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What is it called when you use an Apple computer to cut through loads of information to find what you are looking for?

Mac the knife.

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