Pictures:

Why did Bill buy 2 pieces of chord, and gave one to his girlfriend?

He wanted to tie the knot.

1914

What kind of log can't change directions?

An ideologue.

1419

What did Alan say to the gas station after he filled his car gas tank?

Tank you.

2364

What can you take when you're tired?

You can take a walk, a break, a nap, a rest, a vacation, or a deep breath.

657

Are people in a family 'absolute'?

They are 'relative', that's why they are called relatives.

3088

How did Marty know what types of kitchen counters his customers really wanted?

It was always counter-intuitive.

2942

What would happen if Earth was attacked by giant spiders from outer space?

A world wide web.

1537

Why is laughing out loud forbidden in Hawaii?

It's a low ha state.

1909

How did the mouse avoid the mousetrap?

He just squeaked by.

1994

Why did Amanda enjoy re-reading books by James Joyce?

She liked re-Joyce-ing.

1985

What is this a picture of?

Flying overseas.

1215

Why did the bakery shoot their cake up in a rocket ship?

They want to say their cake is out-of-this-world.

1039