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Akiva Lane
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Why did a lot of people want to use Alan Richter's bathroom scale?

Because they wanted to know what they weighed on the Richter scale.

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What is a doctor called who takes care of stomach gas?

A fizz-ician.

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Akiva Lane
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What do they say about a great baseball player?

That the hits just keep on coming!

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Betty put things on the kitchen scale at 1pm for 9 hours?

She wanted to measure them on a scale from 1 to 10.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Amanda enjoy re-reading books by James Joyce?

She liked re-Joyce-ing.

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Akiva Lane
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What is this?

C to shining C

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What is an aunt that is a great cook called?

Aunty Pasto.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Bill avoid using sucking candies?

He didn't want to be considered a sucker.

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What is the origin of the word 'stain'?

It's a spot that is stayin' in the clothes.

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What do forests and clocks have in common?

Ticks.

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What can you say about an old couch that was fixed?

It was in bad shape, but now it's recovered.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a fish that can't sing?

An out-of-tune a fish.

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