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Akiva Lane
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Why did Arnold always bet at the same race track?

He had a one-track mind.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was the elephant that lived in Manhattan depressed?

It couldn't find work, so it felt ir-elephant.

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What expression refers to an insect in the late spring?

Bee that as it May.

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Why did the CEO buy sailboats for the company?

He wanted to increase sails.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a soda with a dye in it called?

Dye it soda.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did they hang the criminal?

He was looking for a loophole, and he found one.

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What did people call their activity of dashing things over the cliffs onto the rocks 100 yards below?

The hundred yard dash.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Marty respond when his wife accused him of drinking a fifth of whisky?

He pleaded the fifth.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the shine of a gold ring called?

Its ring tone.

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Akiva Lane
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Would anyone make or buy an odor-less perfume?

No, that would be non-scents.

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Why was Joyce amazed when she saw what came before posterous?

It was pre-posterous.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Sarah feel about not getting concert tickets to see her favorite band?

She found it dis-concerting.

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