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Akiva Lane
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What did Alice call the hair she cut off because it was full of knots?

Forget me knots.

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Akiva Lane
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What computer activity is similar to buying a new pair of boots?

Re-booting.

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Akiva Lane
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While building his porch, why was Arnie looking for something called 'scratch'?

Because he was building it from scratch.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the name of the rock band that sings about failure?

Rock Bottom

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the police arrest the comedian?

Because he was a riot.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Lisa feel when she found that someone had pressed all the buttons in the elevator?

She found it depressing.

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Akiva Lane
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How much does marriage change a relationship?

It completely altars it.

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Akiva Lane
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What might a person be on if they can't be heard?

On mute.

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Akiva Lane
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How is a person and a car different?

A person who is tired moves slowly, and when retired more slowly. When a car is tired, it moves fast, and when retired even faster.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't people believe this when they saw it?

They thought it was pi in the sky.

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Akiva Lane
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What are reporters who never retire called?

Permanent press.

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Akiva Lane
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What kind of carrots are worth their weight in gold?

24 karats.

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