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Akiva Lane
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What is an example of a contact sport where nobody touches anyone else?

When people hide each others' contact lenses.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the maple tree feel bad?

When people took its maple syrup, it felt like such a sap, and it sapped its energy.

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What did the Arial, Helvetica, and Courier fonts say to each other?

You're not my type.

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How did people feel when the Eastern and Western railroads met?

They were glad to make ends meet.

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How did the alien feel when trying to socialize with people?

Alienated.

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During an uprising, what are random groups of armed men called?

Malicious militias.

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Why did the employee make sure he never signed his name twice?

He was concerned that if he re-signed, he'd be out of a job.

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What is someone called who puts up gates in alleys?

Alley gater.

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Why did Jim feel bad when he heard that the US will stop making pennies?

He thought it didn't make cents.

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When Sharon found an old copy of Crime and Punishment, what was she holding?

A dusty Dostoevsky.

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What do you call a plane that is not fancy?

A plain plane.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't the group of doctors sit down?

They didn't want to be sitting docs.

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