Pictures:

Akiva Lane
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What are reporters who never retire called?

Permanent press.

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What do you call machines that sand down the surface of kernals of grain?

Kernal sanders.

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What does Leonard Bernstein and copper have in common?

They are both good conductors.

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What do you say to a friend who is trying to uproot a tree

I'm rooting for you.

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What vegetable is like a group that asks permission?

Let us.

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Why did the CEO buy sailboats for the company?

He wanted to increase sails.

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When do parents feel that they aren't parenting enough?

When - in relation to their kids - they feel only 'parenthetical'.

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Why didn't Barry ever work out in the gym?

He planned to go there, but it never worked out.

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Is getting close to cousins important?

Yes, its relatively important.

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What begins with a dish and is not honest?

The word dishonest.

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What is similar between a baseball player and a guard at a large party?

They both try to keep their eye on the ball.

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What time do people go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty.

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