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Why did Ben drink Maxwell House coffee before he went parachute jumping?

He wanted to be good to the last drop.

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What would be the result if you used incense made from mushrooms?

A mushroom cloud.

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What is the medical department at Google called?

Google Docs.

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What was Betty's reaction when the recipe called for stirring the batter?

She kept on stirring until she went batty and stir crazy.

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What did the Arial, Helvetica, and Courier fonts say to each other?

You're not my type.

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What does the Constitution have in common with balancing a checkbook?

Checks and balances.

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What sauce can you use if you're behind in a race?

Ketchup.

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Why did Billy ask to borrow his friend's shoes?

Because he was told not to judge someone until you stand in their shoes.

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Why did Joe stop stealing, get a job with a salary?

He found that crime does not pay.

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How did Mr. and Mrs. Jones feel about their tax bill?

They felt under attacks.

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What is the annual football game for plumbers?

The Toilet Bowl.

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Why didn't people believe this when they saw it?

They thought it was pi in the sky.

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