Pictures:

What 5 letter word becomes shorter when you add 2 letters to it?

The word 'short'.

988

Why didn't Bill use his photographic memory?

He never developed it.

961

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because it felt crummy.

962

Why did Barry get heartburn when he ate the birthday cake?

He forgot to take off the candles.

963

What happened to the magician driving down the street?

He turned into a driveway.

966