Pictures:

Why did the shoes cross the road?

Because the chicken was wearing them.

996

Why did Barry get heartburn when he ate the birthday cake?

He forgot to take off the candles.

963

What does Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Their middle name.

993

What 5 letter word becomes shorter when you add 2 letters to it?

The word 'short'.

988

What gets wetter the more it dries.

A towel.

979

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because it felt crummy.

962

Why is it hard to organize a professional hide-and-seek tournament?

Good players are hard to find.

972

How do trash collectors learn their trade?

They pick things up as they go along.

973

What did the lawyer wear to work?

A lawsuit.

969

What has a head and a tail but no body?

A coin.

975

Why did the reporter go into the ice cream parlor?

He wanted the inside scoop.

968

What starts with a T and ends with a T and has T in it?

A teapot.

991